Unique eBay Goodies You Didn’t Know You Needed…Until Now.

So one night, I was looking for pog collections on The Interwebz (don’t ask) and I was somehow coerced into the dark corners of eBay.  I’m telling yall, people are out there doing reaallly weird things.  Amongst all of the “cool and sexy!” leather deprivation hoods and ball gags, I stumbled upon these eBay gems.

As if you didn’t need this rare, penis-shaped Cheetoh in your collection of other phallic-shaped snacks!  Seller bbunny716 ensures us that this penis-shaped Cheetoh does in fact come with a set of balls and has not been roughly handled nor put in anyone’s mouth.  The Cheetoh has been measured out at approximately 1.5″ in length but bbunny716 reassures us that size doesn’t always matter and “if you can’t hit bottom, bang the shit out of the sides!”  So, uhh…yeah.  This can be all yours for the small price of $1,000 US Dollars.

In the spirit of Tittsworth’s ever-growing animal skull collection, I formally present to him…the rare Triceratops Skull.  For only $19,950 US Dollars, you can turn your living room into your very own Museum of Natural History with this baby.  The triceratops skull is still undergoing the fabrication process (because this isn’t Jurassic Park and dinosaurs are extinct) so it won’t be available until November 1st, 2011, but this means you can be assured that this is a fresh skull.

Purchase these guaranteed winning lottery numbers and I’ll bet you’ll be resting easy tonight.  Apparently they have a bunch of mathematicians working around the clock using things like the chaos number theory and algebraic equations to determine winning lottery numbers.  All you have to do is pay $49.95, tell them which lottery you play, and they’ll develop a few number sequences for you and you’ll win the lottery in less than twelve months.  Apparently, it’s that easy.  If you don’t win, you get your money back.  100% money-back guaranteed.  The seller says not to worry about work anymore – “Just call in RICH!”  I dare ya.

This is a potato.  This is a potato…on drugs.  I don’t know what’s going on here.  My first thought was something like, “Why is this crazed lunatic selling a mutated potato on eBay?” Then my second thought was like, “Why have fourteen people bid on this dumbass potato?!”  The seller says they recently dug it out of their garden and claims it has an uncanny resemblance to the “beloved children’s character, Lamb Chop.”  …..*blankstare*…..

Once I regained my composure from laughing at the term “doo doo nugget”, which honestly took about a good ten minutes because I’m like, five years old…I began to question the sanity of my northernmost neighbors.  Seller whereonearth says that all you do in Maine during those frigid winters is “collect moose poop, dry them, and coat them in polyurethane”.  Really?  Is this real life?  Drop $29.99 US Dollars and you can grab this doo doo bling in black or gold hues.

Use the comments section to keep me posted with all the weird eBay finds you stumble upon!